She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
