I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
