If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
