Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Randomize