i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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