Umm I'm too high to move.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
