I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
