Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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