i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
