Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
