somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize