She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
