This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
