So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
