this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just cropdusted the office
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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