boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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