no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
