i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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