do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
