Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
