You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
