you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.