whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight