I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dating After Heartbreak
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.