i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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