she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
