I am in a vortex of obligation.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
