Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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