In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
