When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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