Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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