It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize