They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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