I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
