So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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