Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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