Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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