Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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