I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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