Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
