I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
where does the pee come out of this thing
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
