So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
