I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
