I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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