I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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