I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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