Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i have two assholes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
