She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
