Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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