The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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