I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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