I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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