He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
