Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
