your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
