Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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