She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
