The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
