This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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