I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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