if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
