My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that's an acceptable place to lick
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
